


3am Thoughts

by antigrav_vector



Series: CapIM bingo fills - 2016 [10]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Comic), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Cap_Ironman Bingo, Gen, Regret, Soul-Searching, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 05:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7087756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antigrav_vector/pseuds/antigrav_vector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unable to sleep after his night with Steve and his double, Tony spends some time reflecting on his relationship with his own Steve...</p>
            </blockquote>





	3am Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the 'home' square on my Cap-IM bingo card.
> 
> Unbeta'ed, so please forgive any errors.

It was sort of cute, the way the two of them were wrapped around one another, dead asleep, now that the fun was over. It had taken some effort to get out of the disturbingly comfortable and welcoming tangle of limbs. Steve had deliberately put him in the middle, he was sure. Tony wanted to shake his head. The two of them were damned lucky.

At least they seemed to know it, and be prepared to fight to keep what they had.

In some ways, it was good to know that, at least in one universe, he had his act more or less together. Enough to have avoided all the pain and heartbreak of SHRA. Or, perhaps, enough to keep it from tearing them apart in the first place. Odds were good that it would happen in this universe, too. Oversight was a vital component of any strike or response team's existence. These two had SHIELD for that. They ... Well, hadn't. Hadn't had anyone, and that had been the problem. Not only because it had made them easy targets for that kind of legislation, but also because it had meant that any disagreement within their ranks about it had been very nearly fatal to the entire superhero community, as well as the mutants'.

He'd never gotten that close to his Steve despite the long time they'd known each other, and it stung a little to know that, in another universe, another Tony _had_. That they could have had this themselves, or at least not torn down everything that defined their friendship if they'd both been willing to give an inch or three and _listen_ to each other.

Tony sighed silently and stood, doing his best to keep the covers from rustling or waking the others, and walked over to Tony's living room. It had floor-to-ceiling windows, much like his own did, and felt almost familiar in this weird world. And yet, it was just different enough to remind him that this wasn't his Tower. Wasn't his City.

Wasn't home.

Not that home held a lot of appeal, right now.

And no, he wasn't going to let that keep him here. Not when he knew he had to try to fix what he'd helped break to prove SHRA was the wrong approach. SHIELD was still in shambles, and though Steve had come back, they weren't on speaking terms. And Sharon... Oh, that was going to be one more big fight between the two of them.

Assuming Steve deigned to step down off his moral high horse long enough to yell.

Assuming he still cared enough about Tony to bother.

Maybe he should just fix things. Get home and then leave. He'd done well enough on his own before he'd had the team, and afterwards as well, on his solo missions.

Being constantly reminded of what he'd had and lost. And now also what he could have had and had ruined. No, he wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd be better off if he didn't have to see that every day and know deep in his bones, that he'd destroyed any chance of continuing to work with Steve in anything but the most distant professional way, even if it had been for the sake of the greater good. For the sake of preventing proposals like Wideawake from gaining traction. He knew, whether or not Steve believed him, he knew with a visceral kind of certainty that Wideawake would have meant a lot of death and pain. And it would have been at its sharpest among the team. Or, at least, what was left of it. Peter. Jessica. Pietro.

No, he'd chosen the best option he'd had, and stuck to it. He was no stranger to personal sacrifice, after all, and it had been worth it until--

He shuddered. Even thinking about that day still hurt. The only thing that had mitigated his mistakes had been Steve's miraculous return to the living, and that had been long enough in coming to send everything spiraling out of control. Including Tony. 

Another rustle of sheets from the bedroom was the only warning he got before Steve -- not his Steve -- was standing behind him. Tony could see him in the reflection faintly catching on the windows. Tony didn't turn to look at him. His face would give everything away, long before he had a chance to say a word, and he didn't really want to show anyone just how broken he was. That was one of the few valuable lessons his father had ever taught him. _Stark men are made of iron._ Tony suppressed the harsh sound that wanted to tear free of his throat. Iron. Iron was far too malleable to be worth much, and rusted far too easily. Why hadn't Howard picked steel?

And yet. This Steve seemed to believe Tony could still fix things with his once he got back. Maybe he was right, Steve would know himself better than Tony ever could. But if he was wrong... 

"What are you brooding about?" Steve asked, breaking into Tony's thoughts, his voice low.

Tony huffed, not sure what name to put to the emotion that question pulled out of him. "Home," he replied, bitterly.


End file.
